Safe People

Yesterday, I told you that I would cover the "Safe People" topic today. Since the "Unsafe People" article yesterday was taken from the book by Doctors Henry Cloud and John Townshend, I thought I would use their list...But changed my mind when I came upon another blog site...

Would like you to allow me to introduce Jonathan Daugherty's "Safe People" list (http://www.jonathandaugherty.com/2006/11/who-are-safe-people.html). When I compared the two to share with you today, his list was easier to understand and relate to...hence, here is Jonathan's list for rules for "Safe People":

Who Are Safe People?

The following are 7 key characteristics present in safe people:

1. Safe people are non-judgmental.

When you get serious about dealing with your secret sins you need people who are not spending their time judging you for your mistakes. You struggle enough with self-condemnation, you don't need someone else telling you what a mess-up you are. Safe people don't judge you.

2. Safe people listen.

When you reach out for help you need people who will really listen to your struggles. Safe people let you share your story and all the difficulty you have faced in carrying your secret sin alone. There is a sort of empathy with safe people. While they may not have traveled the exact same road, they listen with their heart and want to truly help.

3. Safe people maintain strong boundaries.

One of the dangers of seeking out safe people is that you might be so amazed at their compassion and care that you begin to move too close too quickly, and possibly confuse genuine help with old patterns in your addiction. Safe people, however, also know how to establish and maintain healthy boundaries that represent appropriate interaction and assistance. For instance, a safe person will not miss their son's baseball game just because you are having a weak moment. They will give you their time and energy when it is appropriate and falls in line with their other priorities.

4. Safe people protect confidentiality.

Trust is critical in the healing and recovery process. And trust is gained when safe people protect your confidentiality. You must know that the deep, dark secrets you are sharing will not end up in the city newspaper over the weekend. Safe people take confidentiality very seriously and will carry your pain to their grave if they must in order to secure your trust.

5. Safe people tell the truth in love.

Some people who may appear to be safe are really just looking for a way to present themselves as superior. They may tell you the truth (i.e. "If you continue in this pattern, you will destroy your life"), but they do so in a harsh, angry fashion. Safe people know how to tell you the truth in love. They are not pointing out your weaknesses to pump themselves up, but rather to help you move toward a full-Godly life that truly brings satisfaction.

6. Safe people pray for wisdom (i.e. they are humble).

Anyone willing to help another person with their most vulnerable area of weakness must understand that they need wisdom. And gaining wisdom requires humility ("the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom"). You can often spot the safe people by how often they ask God for wisdom, knowing that apart from His leading they could lead you astray. These are the kind of people you want around when traveling the road of life.

7. Safe people help you get help.

Finally, safe people know their limitations and have a heart of willingness to get you the help you need. They will walk with you as you expand your network of support to include a counselor, support group, or other individuals to help you reach the goal of a Godly life. When dealing with life's difficulties you need those with a servant's heart to lead you to the appropriate help.

As you walk through life, keep your eyes open for safe people. They will become your greatest asset in a life well lived.

'Watching out' for the "unsafe person" has been a life-long job. Keeping an open eye and ear requires much patience and diligence. Good, 'safe' people will NOT just land in every area of your life! You must seek them to find them. Much like seeking and finding a "safe", one-true and living GOD!