30 Days in...Moving Forward

WOW! It has now officially been a month since I began my trek into "blogville". April 1st (Fool's Day....good choice!) was my first post and now I am looking back in retrospect. It is amazing how fast a month goes flying by.

While life can be such an exciting place to find unlimited experiences, they are not always "thrilling or joyful". In the past month I have seen/experienced some feelings that I have never felt at this magnitude before.

One of these feelings is grief. This emotional voyage came from the death of a dear loved one, a parent, my father. I have never been down this road before....it is uncharted territory. While many have had to travel this road before me, the raw, ripping-out, loss of my father is pain that I did not want to feel. It is a part of life that I did not want to have to face, but it is still a part of the process of life....we are born, we live, we die. I used to think that thinking such thoughts made you a calloused or morbid person, but now I know that the "circle of life" is true and uncompromising. It has us all in it's clutches and we are not the captain of our vessel. Oh, many think that they are in total control of their lives... not so! God allows us avenues/choices, but the end and beginning are his eternal design. Do we have power over our fist breath or our last? No.

I have fluctuated between relief and sorrow....so very thankful that the suffering of my father's illness is over, to being upset because I MISS HIM! I want to call him, talk to him, hug him, hear him tease me, just see him smile....then I remember the pain, and I know that I could not ever want him to face that torment again...so, I find comfort in knowing he is at rest...at peace...so, I must be also.

Also in retrospect, I began thinking about my own mortality. With my age getting older every day (What? You too?), the realization began to really "soak in" that I probably have already lived 2/3 of my life already! I possibly only have 25-30 years left...and that is only possible with the grace of God extending my life past the promised 70.

These are sobering thoughts. They take me to dark, deep places that I usually shy away from. Bring on the fun, carefree, easy issues, and I am at rest.

So, while looking back, I am renewed in the "today". "THIS is the day the Lord hath made, I will rejoice and be glad in it!" Be happy through hard times? Rejoice in my grief? Smile through my tears? YES. Because I choose to. Because I have hope.....peace....joy that is beyond understanding. It comes from above. I cannot boast in it....I only "bath in it's presence". HE allows me to and I am filled....satisfied and renewed.

For any of my friends that are on Facebook with me, you already know that "Moving Forward" is my new favorite song. Both of my brothers picked out this song as their favorite also...it is on the new Kurt Carr CD, "The Power of ONE". If you have not heard it, I hope you get to....of course, you can go to YouTube.com and find it by many artists. The lyrics speak to me:


I'm not going back
I'm moving ahead
I'm here to declare in You
My past is over
In you, old things are made new
Surrendered my life to Christ
I'm moving, moving forward

What a moment
You have brought me to
Such a freedom
I have found in You
You're the Healer
You make all things new
Yeah Yeah Yeah

You have risen
With all power in Your Hands
You have given me
A second Chance
Hallelujah Hallelujah
Yeah Yeah Yeah

You make all things new
You make all things new
I will follow You forward


Forward.....up ahead....hope waits for me....and with that blessed hope, is the reunion with family and friends. My Aunt Leona was lost without her husband, Uncle Sonny, when he went on before her. She said, "I live to be with him again, in heaven". She is now there, with Grandpa and Grandma Forsythe, Uncle Howard...and now Dad. Heaven's gain is our loss...but some day we all can gain....and be reunited.

So, if you are grieving, I'm sorry that I can't give you a hug or take you out for coffee to talk....but, i do know that your tears are heard by someone who is THE COMFORTER. Let them flow, they are a language and he understands. Healing is in the tears of our sorrow.