It hasn't been easy

Don't judge a book by it's cover...Don't let the outside fool you. The inside of a person holds many insights, truths and experiences...and they are not all pleasant.

Take a trip with me...

I'm looking at a lady, she is in her seventies now. She is still "a babe" (like my dear bro would say). Her family surrounds her with love and admiration. I have seen her give of her whole substance... she always has an eye/ear out for a need. Whether it means baking cookies/fudge (with a little help!) and taking them to her best friend who is grieving or watching her grandchildren with love. You will never find a better caregiver.... a loving hand to her aging mother and sick husband. As I watch her, all I see is her love extended ~ her quick smile ~ her sincere hospitality ~ giving her last dime, and wishing she had more to give.

What you do not see is the hurt, the abuse that she has endured. Raised six children, showed them abounding love in situations that would have knocked us off our foundation, for sure. I won't tell the details, you could only begin to imagine the pain.

If anyone ever thinks they have a reason for bitterness, hatred, murderous thoughts... it is this lady. But I have never seen these traits in her that others cling to so readily. If you sit down and talk about life with her (which is so great to do, she is amazing.... she will not judge you... there is nothing she has not experienced first hand!), she will listen, advise and then say some of the most profound words...

Talk it out, Leave it behind, Get over it, Move Forward...

Some may think this is hard, calloused and unfeeling. I call it "Tough Love" in it's truest form.

I have watched her set the rules in her household trying to help an alcoholic/drug addicted son. When he broke the rules, I was there one night when his buddy tried to bring him home drunk. She told him no, set his clothes on the porch and told him to come back when he decided to do the right thing... she would be waiting. WOW! I was so inspired... this is what true love looks like.

Love that will BE THERE, waiting. Never changing, just "IS".

But my whole reason for telling about this amazing woman is this....

Don't think that just because she enjoys life, that it has been easy. Don't judge her life by the outward appearance of her sunny nature!

This week I had someone make some statements that reminded me of some fundamental parts of "really living". They started to tell of their hurts and tried to say I was "fake" in my quest to love them... they felt I didn't understand their relationships and needs. Like I had not experienced those things in my life.

Not so. I will not go into detail of my darkest moments and life-long experiences. I will not fill you in on all the hurt, broken promises, sinking, plunging, spiteful acts that were thrown at me. We all have our "baggage". Sorry to say, but some worse than others....

Where did they get that idea? That I could not possibly understand? Just because I choose to smile? Just because I can be happy? If they only knew...

Sometimes I share some of my "journey", but sometimes when I know it will do no good, I just have to stand strong and try not to defend myself too harshly. Yes, I have suffered, buy joy has come to me! Just like I hope it comes to them. I have always given total thanks for the Lord above for his presence in my life. My smiles and happiness come from him alone. My testimony is always this, "Yes, I needed God for my salvation and I thank him for that! But, my greatest need was for peace of mind and heart. He gave me that freely... and for that I am forever grateful!". That is my sincere, true testimony.

Yes, I too can find many reasons (if I so desire) to be depressed, beaten down, discouraged, enraged, doubtful, suspicious, and unhappy. I can pick up those emotions any time I want to...

BUT I DON'T WANT TO...

And I truly am sad for those who do. Be very careful... if you are continually accusing others of not "fulfilling" your need for love, you need to look in the mirror. Yes, love can be given to you.... right before your eyes... true and raw... in it's most perfect form... and you can miss it. Love has rules, you must obey and abide in HIM to get them. Remember, God is love, can't have real love without HIM. Simple.

So, when you think I just "don't get it" because I do not get all hung up on emotional baggage...that somehow I am not feeling your pain because I will not live in past failures/insecurities, think again. I am where I am because I have let God and life teach me a few things, and then have chosen the high road. My only prayer and hope is that you will choose this path too. It's the only road with benefits.... the other will kill, steal and destroy all the goodness in you. That I could not bear.

There is a passage that Paul wrote that has always "haunted' me... spoke to my spirit. May I love others enough to feel like he did... to pray this prayer for them.

Ephesians 3:14-19 (King James Version)

¹⁴For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,

¹⁵Of whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named,

¹⁶That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man;

¹⁷That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love,

¹⁸May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height;

¹⁹And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God.

I admit it....life here can be cruel and unpleasant at times. But God gave us the ability and inner strength to conquer these things....they cannot move us, unless we allow them to. Big Mountain, Bigger God.

So, when you see my happiness and joy, don't think that I have not suffered..... I smile bigger because I have and now know the secret..... I am not bound by fear.... I am free to live victorious through Jesus Christ. He that the son has set free is free INDEED.

THAT is my testimony.